‘Glee’ I’m Dumb But I’m Not Stupid – The Awl

byHalle?

Kiefer

Thisweek’sepisodebeganwithapainful,devastatingloss。

WeopenonPuck’smohawkbeingceremoniouslyhackedoff,removedbyadermatologistattemptingtogetabetterlookatascalpmole。

Hisbeautifullocksfallinthekindofslow-motionAngLeedoves-past-a-doorwayshotbefittingasuper-hotindividualgettingincrementallyless?

hot。

Aboutthatpesky(andthankfullybenign)beautymark,Puckcomplains,“Mymomnoticeditwhenshewaswashingmyhair!

”Buthey,we’veallbeenthere,bra。

Oneminuteyourmomisworkingonthosesuds,reallygettinginthere,thenextsheissobbingaboutstage4basalcellcarcinoma。

It’slike,CHILLAX,MOMALA!

ThedweebsoftheschoolcaninstinctivelysensePuck’slossofswagger;likekomodosdragonscentinganinjuredwaterbuffalotheystrike,hoistingPuckintoaDumpsterinanactofcivilnerd-bediencePucksubmitstotheirattack,despitethefactthatheprobablycouldhaverippedthatnerd’sheadcleanoffhissweatervest-wearingshoulders,andIdoubtIwouldbetheonlywhowouldhaveheartilyapplauded。

Havingbeenabandonedinhisscalpnakednessbythealways-peevedSantanaandaforever-pregnantQuinn,PuckattemptstoclawhiswaybackupthepopularityladderbysettinghissightsonCheerio/newpopularmeatMercedes。

SmirkingfrominsidehisDumpster,Pucknarrates,“Getready,blackgirlfromGleeclubwhosenameIcan’trememberrightnow-thePuckster’sabouttomakeyouhis!

”Andweareofftoanauspiciousstart!

PuckimmediatelytriestogetinMercedes’man-leaderoutfitbybeingahuge,grossweirdo。

HeremindsherofthestronghistoricalbondbetweentheAfrican-AmericanandJewishcommunities,whofordecadeshavestoodtogetherinaproudshamrelationships,relyingoneachothertogaincoolnesspointsafterreceivingterriblehaircuts。

“Besides,”Pucktellsher,strokingherarmwithequalpartsseductionandcreep-itude,“Iloveawomanwithcurves。

”Ahyes,youmeanliketheultra-curveousQuinn,whoiscurrentlyinher8thtrimesterandhasballoonedtoasize2thpick(seewhatIdidthere?

)?

OrSantana,whoisgorgeousbutsuffersfromamildcaseofalienheadfromtryingtoputallthatfaceonamarionettebody?

Youmean?

them?

Butyouknowwhat,forgetmybitching;ifwearegoingtodothis,weneedtoDOTHISRIGHT。

Youdon’tputTheHottestGuyontheShowandTheBestEverincloseproximityifyouaren’tgoingtoletthemgobuckwildoneachother。

Mercedesisimmediatelyhorny(I’mextrapolatinghere)butsuspiciousofPuck’sGod-awfulplan。

Heinturndoeshisbesttowooherasonlyahandsomedoucheknowshow,declaringthathe“joinedablackchurch”andsingingSammyDavisJr。

’s“TheLadyisaTramp”,crankinguphissafelydangeroussmileandvest-wearingtoan11ashesoft-shoesacrossthechoirroomonhissurprisinglytinylegs。

(Intheinterestoffulldisclosure,myfatherhasalwaysclaimedthatitwasoneofhisgreatauntsanduncleswhowereinthecarthatSammyDavisJr。

hitintheaccidentthatcosthimhiseye,SOIMIGHTBEALITTLEBIASED)。

Mercedescanplainlyseethatthisschemewillultimatelyself-destruct,whatwithitbeingterribleandall,butisdrivenbydistractionbyPuck’sgreatarmsandtheirvocalchemistry,“twothingsthatreallymattertoher,”andtentativelyagreestothe?

plan。

Meanwhile,Rachelloseshervoice!

Andthenshegetstrappedinautilityclosetwherenoonecanhearherpoundingonthedoor!

Thentheyclosetheschooltofumigateitforbedbugsandnoonerealizesshe’sstillinthere!

AndtheyfindoutthatthereisasbestosinthewallssotheyhavetoclosethewholeschooldownsotheybuildanewschoolandnooneeverhearsfromRachel?

again!

Ifonly!

No,insteadRachelhasthechoirroomtappedbyLaurentheA。

V。

orc(onTV,plus-sizepeoplewillacceptpaymentincandybarinsteadofactualmoney=FACT)inordertoprovewhoisorisn’tsingingduringpractice(ratherthan,justlisteningwithyourears?

Seemslikelessofahassle,butthenagainI’mnotaliteralharpy)。

RachelisreallyattheacmeofherhorriblenessasshesauntersuptosingMileyCyrus’“TheClimb,”onlytofindoutshe’slost(mostof)hervoice!

Butnotenoughthatshecan’ttalk!

Wah!

Wedon’tgettoseemuchofHotAsianDude(HAD)thisepisode,butweatleastgettowitnesshissilentwinceasRachel’svocalfartinghitshimintheear。

Heprobablyhewasn’tonsetlongenoughforthemtogivehimalinethisweek,whatwithhimstarringinanewBritishdetectivedramawithRachel’sgaydads“SeeNoEvil,SpeakNoEvil。

”ComingtoFoxinmybrainthis?

fall!

Panickingthatthethingthatmakeshertolerabletootherhumanswillbegoneforever,RachelgoeswithFinntotheSardonicIndianDoctor,whohasherstripdownandputonarobetocheckherthroatlikeanylegitimate,non-predatoryphysicianwoulddo。

FinnstartstoripJessefornotbeingthereforhisgirlfriendlikeheshouldbe,butRachelexplainsthat“he’sonspringbreak。

”Onspringbreak。

Heisonspringbreak,whichapparentlyNOONEELSEATTHEENTIRESCHOOLHASHEARD?

ABOUT。

Don’tthoseotherkidsknowthatyoudon’thavetogotoclassesorgleepracticeortoschoolatallwhenit’sspringbreak?

Whataretheyteachingtoday’syouth?

LooksliketherewerecutbacksinFox’sGapingPlotHoledepartment。

Damnthiseconomy!

Finnsoonbustsoutwithanadorbsrenditionof“Jesse’sGirl,”becauseduh,whichofcoursebegsthequestion:whichwriterwasvisitedbyYahwehinadreamtonameRachel’sboyfriendJesse?

Toyou,sir,Itipmyhat。

UnfortunatelyforusviewersFinnusedupallofhisallotted3facialexpressionsperepisodeattheverybeginningofthesong,soforthelast30secondsorsoheisstarringblanklyattherestofthegleeclublikesomeoneyankedthepowercordoutofthebackofhis?

skull。

OutsideintheworldnotfocusedonRachel’smancandy,Kurtisstillbummedabouthisdad’sdiscomfortwithhisfemmelifestyle,soheconfidesinthebestpersonimaginable,SueSylvester。

Suescoffsathisassertionthathe’sgay:“Soyoulikeshowtunes!

Doesn’tmakeyougay。

Thatmakesyouawful!

”shespits。

BOOM!

YoujustgoSylvesterized!

Ifanyonecouldargueyououtofyoursexuality,itwouldbeher,soKurtthenproceedstogototallyinsane,dressingupasBabyLumber-Kurtandperforming“PinkHouses”byJohnCougsMellencamp,inaprofoundlyawkward“man-formance”infrontofdisbelievinggleeclub。

It’sliketheGiftoftheMagi,exceptKurtgetsnothing。

TurnedonbyKurt’ssuperbutchness,andgunningforaperfectrecordofAllBoysKissedIntheWorld,BrittanytellsKurttoletherknowwhenhewantsto“tapthis。

”?

TWIST!

ThisistheGleeIsignedupfor:iftheplottwistsaren’tgoingtomakesenseandwe’regoingtorunthispuppyintothegroundplot-wise,thenbygodwearegoingtohaveanamazingtimedoing?

it。

Cutto…So…didanyoneelsethinkthatKurtandBrittanyhookingupwassortof…hot?

Like,superhot?

Iwaslike,whoa,what,andhadtohavemyGleewatchingbuddiesChrisandWillspraymedownwithafireextinguisher。

Brittanyexplainedwhatboy’skissestastelike(dip,burders,Brittany’sarmpit)andBob[BURT!

Burt。

Whatever!

]walksinasplanned,confusedandholdingKurt’sdon’t-come-in-I’m-with-a-girlpersonalizeddoorhanger:“Ithoughtitwasthestartofoneofyourmurdermysterydinners。

”Lol,ohDad,youaretheworstdad。

BurttellsKurtthathewilllovehimnomatterwhoisattractedto,butheisstillgoingtoexcludehimbytakingFinntoaRedsgame,becausethat’swhatgoodfathersdo:alienatetheirchildreninordertoincreasethepossibilitythattheycanhavesexwithanotherchild’s?

mother。

Afterallthissmoochinggoingon,IwasexpectingsomesweetbusinessfromPuckandMercedes,butnoooooooo,allwegetisalittlepeckonthecheek!

Iwantmore,more,more!

(“Hihoney,it’sFridayagain,andthathairisn’tgoingtowashitse-OHMYGOD,I’msorryIshouldhaveknocked。

I’lljustputthisconditioneronthenightstandforlaterI’mleavingI’mleavingrightnow!

)Idorespectthattheydidn’thavethemgethotandheavy,though。

IfPuckhadhookedupwithMercedesthendumpedher,Iwouldhaveturnedonhimsofast。

Hewouldhavebeendeadtome。

Luckyforourfakecouple,QuinngivesMercedesherblessingtobonePuck,giventhatheislittlemorethanherspermdonoratthispoint(“Also,thisbabyseemstohavecalcifiedinmywomb!

”Quinnmusthavebeenthinking,“Becauseit’sbeenthesizeofaclementineformonths!

”),butwarnsthatSantanawillnotabidebythistransgression。

ANDSUDDENLYITIS?

ON。

ThedulcetstrainsofBrandyandMonica’s“TheBoyisMine”fillthescreenasMercedesandSantanasquareoff,andIjustswoonedontomyfaintingcouch。

Itwassoexquisite。

Itfeelssogoodwhenittouchesmybrain!

MercedesandSantanacircleandsnarlandlip-syncfortheirlivesinanembarrassinglypersonalduetabouttheirlovelives。

Youguys!

Everyoneinthechoirroomcanseeandhearyou!

AfterseeinghowherpopularityhasenabledPucktoreturntohisformernerd-terrorizingglory,MercedestellsSueshe’sdroppingoutofCheerios。

“WhatabouttheMariahCareynumberwhereyoudo10fullminutesofpopruns?

”Suecries。

YES,GLEE,WHATABOUTTHAT!

Don’tbemakingpromisesyourbuttcan’t?

cash。

TohaveRachelshutupherwhiningaboutherdamnvoicealready(“I’mlikeTinkerbell,”shesobs,“withoutapplause,Idie!

”),FinntookhertovisithisquadriplegicfootballfriendSean。

Whoahoho。

CHECKANDMATE,Finn。

Can’targuewiththeparalyzedguy。

“Imissmybody。

Imissmylife。

Imissgirls,”Seanexplains。

Okay,true,butyoudohavethiswickedsweetfishtank。

Lookatit,it’shuge!

SinceSean’samanwhoiswhiteandretainstheabilitytosing,Rachelwillprobablyendupaddinghimtoherharemofhoney-voicedhunks。

Backatschool(SpringBreak!

It’sjustlikealltheotherweeks!

WOOOO!

),Brittanyisenamoredofhowinfant-softKurt’shandsareastheycharadedownthehallwaytogether,cooing,“NowIknowwhatit’sliketodateababy!

”Carveanothernotchinthatbedpost,Brittany!

TodayeverypersonwhogoestoWilliamMcKinleyHigh;tomorrow,thehemisphere!

“Doyouwanttoknowmysecret?

”Kurtsays,bringinghismouthclosetoherear,hisvoiceahuskywhisper,“Duckfat。

”Getoffofmycouch,youguys!

Thatisformyfaintsexclusively!

BurtshowsuplikeadickatschoolbasicallyjusttoruinKurt’sdaybytellinghimthatFinnandBurtaregoingforfreehoagiesafterthegame,andagaintellsKurtnottocome。

NowIcanunderstandnotwantingtodragKurttoasportsgame,buthoagies?

Can’teveryonegethoagies,Dad?

Kurt’spainissorawandhoagie-basedthatyoucanseehislittlebunnyheartmeltinginhisoverall-coveredchest,sosearinghotthatitburnsofftheflannelandletstheinfantfawnthatisKurtcomingleapingoutinasequinandflameexplosion。

Hethenprecedestoburnsitdownwith“Rose’sTurn”fromGypsy,tearingdownthestageinfrontofa15-footilluminatedKURTsign,wearinganabsurdlyvoluminousascotin,ASHERIGHTFULLYSHOULD。

IreallyhavetogivetheactorthatplaysKurtarealhand,becauseitcanNOTbeeasytoplaythatboy。

“Yes,lastweekyouwereJeffreyDahmerJr。

butthisweekyouaregoingtobeHankHillwithan11thhoursissonneintoanEthylMerman。

Oh,also,youareanormalteenageboy。

”Allflavorsofgaymanareofficiallycovered!

AsKurtpantstoahalt,heseesthathisdadhasbeenwatchinghimallthetimeafterjustblowingoffhisplanswithFinn。

Promiscuousdad,whereveryouare!

Droppingsonsandfake-songslikehotcoals!

Theyhaveaconfrontation,re:Kurt’sobviouslyfakeheterocostume。

“I’mdumb,butI’mnotstupid,”Burtsays。

UGH,butDad,youarebeingboth!

Duh,waitaminute,myflaminglyhomosexualsonissuddenlydressinglikehe’sinthestageversionof“Deliverance”andmakingoutwithagirlwholooksKimCattrallcirca“Mannequin”whensheisthemannequinandohwaitaminuteIAMAMORON。

Theyembraceandeverythingistotallyresolved,exceptofcoursethatsomewhereFinniseatinghoagiesalonewithtearsstreamingdownhisfaceandtheurnfilledwithhisfather’sasheswrappedinanIndianssweatshirtintheboothnexttohim。

NowthesearesomecharactersIcanrelate?

to!

Asforthefinalsong,IreallythoughttheyweregoingtoexplainwhyParalyzedSeandidn’thaveashirtonwhenRachelcametovisit。

MomsreallyarethesilentplotmoversinGleeisthetakeawayIgotfromthisepisode(“Ohoney,IforgotthatIundressedyouandthenleftyouwithoutclothesonwhenIwenttoletinthatlovelyyounggirlwhocametoseeyou。

IguessIjustforgotthatyouareateenageboywithfeelingsandthoughtsandjustapersoningeneral。

So,sorryagainthatIdidn’twarnyouthatshewasherebeforeshewalkedintoyourroom,whereagainyouwerenakedunderthatblanketasIleftyou。

Wellanyway,timetofeedthosegoddamnfishagain!

”)。

Racheloffershimvoicelessons,whichseemedtojustconsistofsingingaU2songtogether。

Whiletheintroductionofacompletelyparalyzedcharacterwasarollofthedie,Ithoughtitwastastefullydone(except,youknow,fortheinexplicableshirtlessness)andgaveRachelachancetoact,thusprovingthatsheactuallycan;it’sjustthewritingthatmakesherunbearable。

Which,duh,Itotallyalreadyknewyouguys。

Guys?

Guys,doallhighschoolstudentsknowU2’slatestalbums?

Thesongseguedintoafull-groupstageperformanceof“One,”orasIliketocallit,“TheSweetestChambray,”andQuinn’smouse-sizedfetussangtheMaryJ。

BligepartsoquietlymaybeonlyIheard?

it。

I’dliketoplacemyorderforafutureepisode,please。

Let’ssee…canIpleasegettoseeBrittanyandMercedesmakingoutwithHotAsianDudeandParalyzedSeanandSardonicIndianDoctorwhileSueSylvesterfilmsherselfandhersisterJeanreenactingHeart’s“TheseDreams”videoandRachelgetsaccidentallybrickedupinanoldchimney?

Untilthen,nextweek’spreviewwithNeilPatrickHarris,a€?80sflashbacksandAerosmith’s“DreamOn”isjustenoughtotidemeover。

Just?

enough。

HalleKieferkeepsgettingmadatherTVbutthensheforgives?


Categories: 亚博靠谱吗贴吧

09年高考英语作文题目预测 1-高中英语作文-作文啦

假设你是李红,你的一位美国笔友Robert写E-mail问及你高考后暑假的安排,请根据以下要点,写一封100词左右的email回复他,可以适当增加细节。

1。

学开车2。

参加英语培训课程3。

去北京看奥运会4。

游览北京的名胜

注意:1。

根据以上内容写一篇短文,不要逐句翻译,可适当增加细节以使行文连贯。

2。

要准确使用语法和词汇;使用一定的句型、词汇,清楚、连贯地表达自己的意思;3。

词数:100个左右。

开头已给出,不计词数。

DearRobert,

Howtimeflies!

【命题方向与写作提示】

高考英语书面表达写作素材都是与中学生的日常生活相关的话题,会避免出现考生不熟悉的话题,也不会出现农村或城市学生不熟悉的话题,注重考查考生的语言表达能力。

本篇素材考查书信体裁的作文,是应用文的写作,话题涉及社会热点:北京奥运会,内容与中学生的实际生活相关:高考后暑假的安排,体裁是书信体的电子邮件。

写作要点包括:1)问候;2)引入话题:高考临近,高考后的安排;3)学开车;4)参加英语培训课程;5)去北京看奥运会;6)游览北京的名胜;7)结束语。

【写作提示】

书面表达一定要注意要点齐全,写作中要注意适当增加细节以使上下文连贯,并使用一定数量的句式结构。

范文(Onepossibleversion)

DearRobert:

Howtimeflies!

Thehappydayswesharedoftenshinesinmymemory。

Whataboutyou?

Asyouknow,mycollegeentranceexamisapproaching,whichalsoannouncestheendofthissortofpressingstudylife。

However,Iintendtohaveameaningfulsummervacation。

First,Iwilllearntodrivetogetadrivinglicense,whichisanewactivityforahighschoolgraduateinChina。

Iwillhaveagoodrest,enjoyingmyhobbies。

ThenIwilltakesomeEnglishcoursestoimprovemyEnglishlamunicationability,Withthe2008Olympicsbeginning,Iwillbeaparticipantofit,watchingthebasketballmatchbetweenChinaandtheUS。

IhavebeendreamingofKobesperformancelong。

Afterthat,Iwillpayavisittosometouristattractionstowidenmyhorizon。

Thatistheplanformyvacation。

Iamlookingforwardtobeingtoldaboutyourarrangementsofvacation。

Givemeyourquickreplysoon,OK?


Categories: 亚博竞彩网站正不正规

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